Hello People
It has been quite awhile since I last posted anything cancer related, but this hiatus with these words has come to an end. Various reasons can be attributed to the lack of reading material but generally these can be separated into two distinct groups, I was too busy and I was too lazy. A fun fact to note on this subject is that I am days a way from reaching three years out of treatment, which made me a least deal with the 'too lazy' side of my life, the busyness side though like most things in life is out of my control.
Rather than jumping straight in, if I may steal just a second of your time I'll do a quick recap. I'll try a be succinct don't worry. Rugby. Ow. Internet. Doctor. Tests. Fondling. More fondling. Even More Fondling. Ultrasound. Sinister Mass. Sadness. Family.
Is everyone caught up? Good lets continue.
Monday, 7 December 2015
Monday, 2 February 2015
Six
Hello People
In this blog I am going to venture into virgin territory, I'm going to talk about my feelings. To those who don't know me maybe you think talking about my feelings is a normal everyday occurrence but those who do, know the truth and understand the gravity of the situation. I am going to talk about my feelings is a phrase I thought and hoped I'd never have to say, but for the sake of a truthful narrative about cancer lets venture into uncharted waters.
To make understanding this blog easier and to condense my feelings into a sentence I felt like shit. I tried to think of a better way to word and describe my feelings but that sentence summarises everything I wanted to say to a tee, but I guess you'll want more details.
In this blog I am going to venture into virgin territory, I'm going to talk about my feelings. To those who don't know me maybe you think talking about my feelings is a normal everyday occurrence but those who do, know the truth and understand the gravity of the situation. I am going to talk about my feelings is a phrase I thought and hoped I'd never have to say, but for the sake of a truthful narrative about cancer lets venture into uncharted waters.
To make understanding this blog easier and to condense my feelings into a sentence I felt like shit. I tried to think of a better way to word and describe my feelings but that sentence summarises everything I wanted to say to a tee, but I guess you'll want more details.
Thursday, 8 January 2015
The Fifth Day
Hello People
To say I am not even slightly religious this marks the second blog post with a Christianity reference embedded in the title. If you accept the creationist theory to explain how we ended up on this flying spinning molten rock, on the fifth day god created life, more specifically the fish and the birds. Now this sounds unrelated and its presence is rather pointless in a cancer blog, right? Well, cancer attacks most if not all living animals, including birds and fish and no, sharks are not exempt from the disease. Therefore if cancer were ever to be first created, it stands to reason that it was on this fifth day, that it originally began its killing spree. That being said the main reason I have labelled my post this is yet again the number mentioned, this being the fifth entry and all, no hidden religious meaning intended.
For dramatic effect and to once again give meaning to otherwise meaningless title, I am going to say it was a Friday (The fifth day of the week). We received a call. If you remember I said if they called it meant trouble was afoot. This was not the exception to the rule. The doctor on the phone played the pronoun game for awhile, actively avoiding saying anything substantial and just insisting to see me, hopefully before day's end. Five hours later (dramatic effect again) we were back in the Doctor's Surgery. The head Doctor (Doctor White) was busy that day so instead we would have to see one of his minions. For reasons I will explain later and to avoid naming and shaming I shall call him Dr Bishop.
To say I am not even slightly religious this marks the second blog post with a Christianity reference embedded in the title. If you accept the creationist theory to explain how we ended up on this flying spinning molten rock, on the fifth day god created life, more specifically the fish and the birds. Now this sounds unrelated and its presence is rather pointless in a cancer blog, right? Well, cancer attacks most if not all living animals, including birds and fish and no, sharks are not exempt from the disease. Therefore if cancer were ever to be first created, it stands to reason that it was on this fifth day, that it originally began its killing spree. That being said the main reason I have labelled my post this is yet again the number mentioned, this being the fifth entry and all, no hidden religious meaning intended.
For dramatic effect and to once again give meaning to otherwise meaningless title, I am going to say it was a Friday (The fifth day of the week). We received a call. If you remember I said if they called it meant trouble was afoot. This was not the exception to the rule. The doctor on the phone played the pronoun game for awhile, actively avoiding saying anything substantial and just insisting to see me, hopefully before day's end. Five hours later (dramatic effect again) we were back in the Doctor's Surgery. The head Doctor (Doctor White) was busy that day so instead we would have to see one of his minions. For reasons I will explain later and to avoid naming and shaming I shall call him Dr Bishop.
Wednesday, 24 December 2014
Twas the Night Be Four Christmas
Hello People
Merry nearly Christmas people. With it being the season of Christmas and with this being the fourth blog I couldn't miss the opportunity for the pun, though it may quickly become apparent that this isn't the most Christmassy blog out there. My opinion on Christmas isn't exactly what you'd call festive, hey maybe when I'm older I'll get visited by some creepy ghosts trying to guilt me into being happy but at the moment I'm still a Christmas Scrooge. Anyway nobody came here for my opinion of the festivities, everyone came here for more news on my crown jewels, so let's away.
More tests were necessary, that was the conclusion from the testicular touching. Let me clarify, and this won't be the first time, I am not pregnant. Now you'd think with the fact I am male it would be quite obvious but if I had a pound for every pregnant related test I had received, I would have enough money to buy my very own child and skip the nine months. The first of these many tests was an ultrasound. Now before my diagnosis I was under the impression that ultrasounds were only for heavily pregnant ladies who wanted to catch an unrecognisable glimpse at their as of yet unborn children. I'm not going to pretend to understand the ins and outs of ultrasound technology, but as I found out it, foetus fotography is not it's only use.
Merry nearly Christmas people. With it being the season of Christmas and with this being the fourth blog I couldn't miss the opportunity for the pun, though it may quickly become apparent that this isn't the most Christmassy blog out there. My opinion on Christmas isn't exactly what you'd call festive, hey maybe when I'm older I'll get visited by some creepy ghosts trying to guilt me into being happy but at the moment I'm still a Christmas Scrooge. Anyway nobody came here for my opinion of the festivities, everyone came here for more news on my crown jewels, so let's away.
More tests were necessary, that was the conclusion from the testicular touching. Let me clarify, and this won't be the first time, I am not pregnant. Now you'd think with the fact I am male it would be quite obvious but if I had a pound for every pregnant related test I had received, I would have enough money to buy my very own child and skip the nine months. The first of these many tests was an ultrasound. Now before my diagnosis I was under the impression that ultrasounds were only for heavily pregnant ladies who wanted to catch an unrecognisable glimpse at their as of yet unborn children. I'm not going to pretend to understand the ins and outs of ultrasound technology, but as I found out it, foetus fotography is not it's only use.
Three Strikes and You're Out
Hello People
Welcome to part three. Hopefully unlike many film franchises, such as The Matrix, Spiderman or X-men to name but a few, this third part will not fail and need remaking in years to come, but actually be referred to as the Return of the King of blogs i.e. A third part of a series whose script is not made by chimpanzees smashing endlessly away at a typewriter. Anyway on with the show.
His hands were cold. That was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal, the temperature. In my head before the dreaded physical examination I was expecting much worse. In my life apart from when I was a babe and maybe the occasional slip as a child, nobody had seen my private parts. It may seem weird but as nobody had seen me in all my glory and I did not actively go around staring at people in their birthday suits, I was unsure if mine was normally sized. Now this seems rather silly I grant you, but as a sort of a recurring nightmare (since it was daytime I guess it was a daymare but that doesn't sound quite right) I kept imagining him seeing my crown jewels and bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter or equally as terrifying telling me "There's nothing wrong with you, that is except for your amusingly sized penis, I've seen women packing more than you." In hindsight this was incredibly ridiculous as Doctors are professional, and even if they wanted to point and laugh hopefully for the sake of their jobs they would refrain from doing so.
Welcome to part three. Hopefully unlike many film franchises, such as The Matrix, Spiderman or X-men to name but a few, this third part will not fail and need remaking in years to come, but actually be referred to as the Return of the King of blogs i.e. A third part of a series whose script is not made by chimpanzees smashing endlessly away at a typewriter. Anyway on with the show.
His hands were cold. That was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal, the temperature. In my head before the dreaded physical examination I was expecting much worse. In my life apart from when I was a babe and maybe the occasional slip as a child, nobody had seen my private parts. It may seem weird but as nobody had seen me in all my glory and I did not actively go around staring at people in their birthday suits, I was unsure if mine was normally sized. Now this seems rather silly I grant you, but as a sort of a recurring nightmare (since it was daytime I guess it was a daymare but that doesn't sound quite right) I kept imagining him seeing my crown jewels and bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter or equally as terrifying telling me "There's nothing wrong with you, that is except for your amusingly sized penis, I've seen women packing more than you." In hindsight this was incredibly ridiculous as Doctors are professional, and even if they wanted to point and laugh hopefully for the sake of their jobs they would refrain from doing so.
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
The Cha Cha Slide Part 2
Hello People
During my cancer journey there are a couple of stories of me and my ability to dance, or lack thereof. The one problem though is they happened about a year after my diagnosis and however much I'd love to throw linearity out of the metaphorical window, the little OCD in me could not possibly allow it. If I am not going to share with you my disco dancing the title seems rather odd, doesn't it? Though you'll notice it says Part 2 and as this is the second part of my blog I thought it would be quite apt, it could quite have equally been called The Godfather Part 2, or more recently Mockingjay Part 2 but then I couldn't build up the suspense for the dancing tales still to come. Now that you are on the edge of your seats, eagerly awaiting the next part of this epic tale, let me not disappoint, let us continue.
Friday, 21 November 2014
In The Beginning
Hello People
As this is my first blog I assume 'People' does not actually address too many people, maybe just my mother and a few close friends. Hi Mum!! Now in case you came here thinking this was some sort of American frat house or a university ball game I do apologise but unfortunately it is neither of those things. This is documentation of my foray with cancer, more specifically testicular cancer, hence the name Uniballer.
I realise that there is a reasonable possibility that you know nothing about me, I would take the time and describe myself to you, but the plan is to get people to read this and describing myself would only scare potential viewers away. Instead for now I give you a sentence 'I am a private person'. Now this begs the question as to why? Why is a private person writing a potentially non-private blog? To answer simply, I've tried being a private person and it haven't worked out too well, but more on that later.
As this is my first blog I assume 'People' does not actually address too many people, maybe just my mother and a few close friends. Hi Mum!! Now in case you came here thinking this was some sort of American frat house or a university ball game I do apologise but unfortunately it is neither of those things. This is documentation of my foray with cancer, more specifically testicular cancer, hence the name Uniballer.
I realise that there is a reasonable possibility that you know nothing about me, I would take the time and describe myself to you, but the plan is to get people to read this and describing myself would only scare potential viewers away. Instead for now I give you a sentence 'I am a private person'. Now this begs the question as to why? Why is a private person writing a potentially non-private blog? To answer simply, I've tried being a private person and it haven't worked out too well, but more on that later.
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