Hello People
Merry nearly Christmas people. With it being the season of Christmas and with this being the fourth blog I couldn't miss the opportunity for the pun, though it may quickly become apparent that this isn't the most Christmassy blog out there. My opinion on Christmas isn't exactly what you'd call festive, hey maybe when I'm older I'll get visited by some creepy ghosts trying to guilt me into being happy but at the moment I'm still a Christmas Scrooge. Anyway nobody came here for my opinion of the festivities, everyone came here for more news on my crown jewels, so let's away.
More tests were necessary, that was the conclusion from the testicular touching. Let me clarify, and this won't be the first time, I am not pregnant. Now you'd think with the fact I am male it would be quite obvious but if I had a pound for every pregnant related test I had received, I would have enough money to buy my very own child and skip the nine months. The first of these many tests was an ultrasound. Now before my diagnosis I was under the impression that ultrasounds were only for heavily pregnant ladies who wanted to catch an unrecognisable glimpse at their as of yet unborn children. I'm not going to pretend to understand the ins and outs of ultrasound technology, but as I found out it, foetus fotography is not it's only use.
Wednesday 24 December 2014
Three Strikes and You're Out
Hello People
Welcome to part three. Hopefully unlike many film franchises, such as The Matrix, Spiderman or X-men to name but a few, this third part will not fail and need remaking in years to come, but actually be referred to as the Return of the King of blogs i.e. A third part of a series whose script is not made by chimpanzees smashing endlessly away at a typewriter. Anyway on with the show.
His hands were cold. That was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal, the temperature. In my head before the dreaded physical examination I was expecting much worse. In my life apart from when I was a babe and maybe the occasional slip as a child, nobody had seen my private parts. It may seem weird but as nobody had seen me in all my glory and I did not actively go around staring at people in their birthday suits, I was unsure if mine was normally sized. Now this seems rather silly I grant you, but as a sort of a recurring nightmare (since it was daytime I guess it was a daymare but that doesn't sound quite right) I kept imagining him seeing my crown jewels and bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter or equally as terrifying telling me "There's nothing wrong with you, that is except for your amusingly sized penis, I've seen women packing more than you." In hindsight this was incredibly ridiculous as Doctors are professional, and even if they wanted to point and laugh hopefully for the sake of their jobs they would refrain from doing so.
Welcome to part three. Hopefully unlike many film franchises, such as The Matrix, Spiderman or X-men to name but a few, this third part will not fail and need remaking in years to come, but actually be referred to as the Return of the King of blogs i.e. A third part of a series whose script is not made by chimpanzees smashing endlessly away at a typewriter. Anyway on with the show.
His hands were cold. That was probably the worst part of the whole ordeal, the temperature. In my head before the dreaded physical examination I was expecting much worse. In my life apart from when I was a babe and maybe the occasional slip as a child, nobody had seen my private parts. It may seem weird but as nobody had seen me in all my glory and I did not actively go around staring at people in their birthday suits, I was unsure if mine was normally sized. Now this seems rather silly I grant you, but as a sort of a recurring nightmare (since it was daytime I guess it was a daymare but that doesn't sound quite right) I kept imagining him seeing my crown jewels and bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter or equally as terrifying telling me "There's nothing wrong with you, that is except for your amusingly sized penis, I've seen women packing more than you." In hindsight this was incredibly ridiculous as Doctors are professional, and even if they wanted to point and laugh hopefully for the sake of their jobs they would refrain from doing so.
Tuesday 9 December 2014
The Cha Cha Slide Part 2
Hello People
During my cancer journey there are a couple of stories of me and my ability to dance, or lack thereof. The one problem though is they happened about a year after my diagnosis and however much I'd love to throw linearity out of the metaphorical window, the little OCD in me could not possibly allow it. If I am not going to share with you my disco dancing the title seems rather odd, doesn't it? Though you'll notice it says Part 2 and as this is the second part of my blog I thought it would be quite apt, it could quite have equally been called The Godfather Part 2, or more recently Mockingjay Part 2 but then I couldn't build up the suspense for the dancing tales still to come. Now that you are on the edge of your seats, eagerly awaiting the next part of this epic tale, let me not disappoint, let us continue.
Friday 21 November 2014
In The Beginning
Hello People
As this is my first blog I assume 'People' does not actually address too many people, maybe just my mother and a few close friends. Hi Mum!! Now in case you came here thinking this was some sort of American frat house or a university ball game I do apologise but unfortunately it is neither of those things. This is documentation of my foray with cancer, more specifically testicular cancer, hence the name Uniballer.
I realise that there is a reasonable possibility that you know nothing about me, I would take the time and describe myself to you, but the plan is to get people to read this and describing myself would only scare potential viewers away. Instead for now I give you a sentence 'I am a private person'. Now this begs the question as to why? Why is a private person writing a potentially non-private blog? To answer simply, I've tried being a private person and it haven't worked out too well, but more on that later.
As this is my first blog I assume 'People' does not actually address too many people, maybe just my mother and a few close friends. Hi Mum!! Now in case you came here thinking this was some sort of American frat house or a university ball game I do apologise but unfortunately it is neither of those things. This is documentation of my foray with cancer, more specifically testicular cancer, hence the name Uniballer.
I realise that there is a reasonable possibility that you know nothing about me, I would take the time and describe myself to you, but the plan is to get people to read this and describing myself would only scare potential viewers away. Instead for now I give you a sentence 'I am a private person'. Now this begs the question as to why? Why is a private person writing a potentially non-private blog? To answer simply, I've tried being a private person and it haven't worked out too well, but more on that later.
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